Monologues // Comedy/Drama
Drunk girl, Becca reveals how much she loves her friend.
I don't deserve this. (She gags). I don't know why you're doing this because you really don't have to do this.
How am I so lucky? You're such a good friend---I mean you tell me when I've had little too much
to drink; I've never had friends who did that. You tell me when I'm wrong; I've never had friends
who did that either, they usually ignore me. You really keep me grounded. (The awful taste of liquor in her mouth made her gag again.)You also tell me that I'm the worst, but only because that encourages me to be better. Oh, and trust me---I have definitely...(gag) learned my lesson. I'm stupid, I know. You're not even saying anything and that's okay because
your silence tells it all. (Gag). You're probably thinking...why is she making me pull her hair while she vomits...
again." I know, I know. I now know, that it's better to take the 5 dollar shot instead of the dollar one. Silly me!
Mia, a woman in her 20s is on a Tinder date with Justin.
After all the women marches and the #metoo movement, you think you can talk to me like this? I will not take it. I’m standing my ground. Do you know how hard it is to be a black woman? It’s a struggle. I have to be 10 times better than my white female peers and then some. I will not calm down. I’m on my menstrual cycle, so don’t tell me to calm down. I have a bloody cycle that runs wild once a month—try to calm her down and see what she does. It can get bloody. Oh…so the word "bloody" offends you. Try being a woman who has to deal with a heavy menstrual cycle because she has a wide set vagina. And don’t even get me started on societal pressures of having a baby—I don't want to have a baby right now, okay? Let me be wild and free. I'm tired of this constant cycle of: do this or do that. And if I don't do that, I'm ostracized for it? I blame guys like you and Cosmo magazine and you want to know why? Guys like you pressure us to be perfect, so much so that obtuse editors have to write stuff like “How to make all the guys in the world want you.” I and all of the other single women out there are trying our absolute best to attract and satisfy men like you! And you know what? I'm done! No more! So yeah. So what if I farted…you’re nasty for smelling it!